Sunday, 27 November 2016

Is Luciel Choi (707) actually a real person?

Blogging for pleasure. I feel like talking about an old online friend from South Korea ^-^. I'm going to refer to him as 'Han' here. I think he is 29-30 years old now.
(by me)707 or Luciel Choi
one of the most charming characters of Mystic Messenger

Obviously I am just joking about the title. (whispering to those who do not know what Mystic Messenger is about, it is an Otome game (female oriented game) in the form of a messenger where you can chat with boys (and a girl^^) It's the perfect game for lonely girls lol I wish there was an Arabic version of it. Arab girls do need to have more fun like that;;;) However, I have to say that the personalities of the characters in Mystic Messenger really make me feel like I'm communicating with real people.  It could be that the authors of the story used real life references to develop the personalities of the characters (I'm wondering if Han was a reference XD cuz I feel like I've been a reference for Jaehee without me knowing lol We got the same job and our personalities are quite similar, but you know that I'm not being serious here, right?)  Anyways, Luciel (whose nickname on the mystic messenger is 707)  actually reminds me of an old online friend from South Korea (Han). There is so much in common between 707 and Han. They both joke around a lot and can't stop teasing others. They both are hardcore gamers (and I believe Han can hack like 707 lol) They both are intelligent and well-rounded. They both studied Arabic. They both tend to freak me out sometimes lol. I swear both of them speak in a similar way lol. They both have to stop making sense every now and then XD! If you get to know my old online friend I'm sure that you would think of him the same way as 707. They both give you the same vibes..
Of course they are not completely the same. I can't recall seeing Han with red hair lol.

You see the image posted on the left? That was my attempt to draw Luciel (I drew it during my long holiday; it's said that drawing and painting help you feel better when feeling down?). Luciel is actually catholic and he's wearing a cross on his chest. However, you can see that I didn't draw a cross; I drew the atheism logo lol. That is because Han is atheist >.< Not sure if he was born christian though. 707 always reminds me of him and I couldn't help but convert Luciel to atheism because of Han haha

I haven't played 707 route yet but from what I've already observed, 707 seems to not take religion seriously. I also wonder if 707 knows Taekwondo, because I remember that Han does.

Both 707 and Han keep teasing others all the time. Han's jokes are definitely nastier than 707's jokes lol Han was a very naughty boy (707 is obviously naughty too). He used to tease me all the time, sometimes with really nasty, strange jokes. If you haven't get used to him joking around, you would think that he is a psychopath who just wants to insult others. He actually sounds childish when joking around all the time. One of the things he would say to me is 'autistic.' It is not funny at all but over time I managed to tease him back and tell him to go drink camel milk (they say it's good for autistic kids). He definitely had a negative influence on me lol -.-" He would use some of my jokes sometimes. I really enjoyed chatting with him. 

Han was such an interesting person regardless of his nasty sense of humour and childish behaviour lol. There was something fishy about him too (just like 707?) Just for fun I named my Pink Penguin on Ameba Piggu after him lol. (see photo on the left).
FYI I named the grey hamster after a Chinese online friend lol.
I really miss them T-T

Online friends are the best. Online friends have always been the best and closest friends to me. At the moment I don't have either online nor offline friends. I guess I'm OK with the fictional friends of Mystic Messenger XD but after clearing the game I do have to look for new online friends,,,,,,, cuz I'm dying inside ;'( Ever since I got my current job I haven't spoken to any online friend. When I try to reach them I find that it's not possible any longer (me forgetting passwords, forgetting websites, or some friends getting banned lol, etc). 

Note: I actually wrote this post before playing the 707 route. Now I am on the 6th day of 707 route

Saturday, 19 November 2016

The precious things to me

Are not many. My 1st published novel is definitely one of the most precious things to me. Regardless of what critics think of it, this novel really feels like a child of mine. It depicts a part of me, even if it is full of imagination.

I'm thinking about this matter right now just because I have been asked to 'trust some people'. No need for details, but those people didn't support me getting published. I have heard some really harsh words just because I became a published FEMALE novelist in Oman, and Dhofar in particular.

I've become the first published female novelist in Dhofar and I know where their views came from. Dhofar is a very conservative society where women are actually supposed to wear niqab (covering their faces). You must be thinking that I was born in an extraordinary Dhofari family to post my photo with my face uncovered here in my blog. I don't think my family is any less conservative from the rest of the families (I believe my family is even more conservative than normal lol). However, I had the courage to post it on my blog just because a few photos of me have been circulated on the local newspapers and internet a while ago, so a photo here won't really make a difference.

Back to the point. Even if I understand why some people would have to say very harsh things to me just because I, a female, write fiction, and even though I can still communicate with them normally as if they haven't hurt me before, I think it is really hard for me to trust them when they ask me to. At least I can't trust them fully. Even if they are actually trustworthy, something inside me prevents me from trusting them completely. It is something I feel that I can't really do anything about. It is probably something they gained from what they have done...

Forgiveness? I think I'm done with it lol. At least I let them get it out on me whenever they please. I should now focus more on my future and my own happiness, right?

Being a novelist is an important part of who I am, now and in the future. I am working on becoming a good novelist. I can't believe that totally slipped out of their minds.

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

The Irony in my Life (Part I)

ATTENTION please: You don’t have to take my entire ranting post seriously. It's 'part I' just because I know I will have to talk about this again in the future.

Anyway, it seems to me that a lot of things go against my way of thinking. Examples: 

1.    I hate the opposite sex of females, yet I have to deal with SO MANY of them at work TT_TT Those who know me as a blogger for years know that I've written hundreds of misandric articles in the past lol. They were not really 'anti-men' but I talked about women oppression in my society and how infallible men here think they are. Of course, my writings incited hate against me. I expected that but what I didn’t expect was that I would end up working in a  place where I have to deal with many men TT_TT I am just surprised at how I manage to keep my temper under control lol. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy because of all the people I have to deal with 5 days a week. Anyway, although I do have issues with the men of this society, I can’t deny that my work is very mentally strenuous because I am a very introverted person by nature.  I mean, it’s not only about men. 

Luckily I managed to keep a good reputation at work despite my hidden anti-men sentiments lol -.- 

2.    Ever since my second year at University my thoughts regarding Islamic fundamentalism have been changing till I reached the point where I would disagree with most of the thoughts which were instilled in me as a girl born and raised in this place. Now I feel like I belong to a whole different world (I mean a world that is more… colourful? magical? fantastical? than this boring black and white one?) ANYWAYS, the irony here lies in the fact that I am communicating very closely in my daily life with some seemingly Islamic fundamentalists. What is more ironical is that they are in quite good terms with me. Well I should be grateful for being treated so nicely by those who would normally freak me out… by the very long beards, constant preaching, etc. 

Of course I keep my controversial thoughts to myself in my daily life which is why I am not facing any serious problems, although I wonder how much irony life is still keeping in store for me.

I told you in the previous posts that I am being mentally tormented by being here and now. Now you can figure out more about my actual situation, i guess? 

3.  I am going to share the third point later. 

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Old Photos Disappeared!!!

I think I've deleted all the photos I took when I was in England back in 2011... TT_TT I can't find them!! I'm sure the last time I saw them I was like "why am I still keeping these useless photos?!! It's all in the past that will never happen again. I doubt that my life is this important anyway"... *photos disappeared*

Well I know how I would think and act when I get too depressed haha -.-

Anyway I got to check my old laptops even though I am almost sure that I've deleted them because of my mood swings lol.  I wanted to use a few photos in my blog :'( The photos I took in Australia aren't as good as the ones I took in England *brokenheart* My adventure in the UK was my first experience outside of my country, and I did have a lot of good memories there. I also have to admit that I had a lonely stay in Australia; I traveled there alone and I spent most of my days walking alone by a river.

Thinking about the past, I always tried to believe that my future will be better. I hoped to find better opportunities to do the things I always wanted to do. I still regret letting go of a golden opportunity to do my higher studies in Japan a few years ago. My regrets won't change the past; so I just have to keep searching for more opportunities TT_TT

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

Help me choose a Japanese name for myself!

Many Ajams/non-Arabs learning Arabic choose their own Arabic names. So, since I'm studying Japanese, can somebody suggest some Japanese names for me?

I would prefer a name that has a meaning similar to that of my Arabic name.  'Mona' or 'Muna' in Arabic means 'wishes; wishes that cannot be granted.'

I tried searching for a name and I thought of the name 'Mia' but I was told by a native Japanese speaker that name doesn't mean wishes or anything like that.

I think it will take me a lot of time to decide which name to choose lol.

My monation has been critically low in the past few months. During my first long holiday I spent a lot of time revising and studying Japanese and I think I felt better^^ Hope I can keep up my monation , be stronger than before and never give up.


Sunday, 6 November 2016

I want to get a palm reading!!

Can anybody do it for me?

(Yay. Not much work today! ^^)

'Peace of mind'!
Salalah, Dhofar, Sultanate of Oman
This photo was taken in the mountains of Dhofar during summer 2016
Taken by me. The caption on it was also written by me lol. 
It is not like I actually believe in such things (let's only believe in science ok? ^^;) However, sometimes I feel very desperate to know when I will finally manage to live the way I deserve to live. I deserve a certain way of life because I believe in it. Will it take even more yeaaars?!! Is even more patience worth it?? TT_TT I am already 27 and I think my life should have been CONSIDERABLY DIFFERENT ever since I was 20 or 21. It should have changed considerably because my perspective towards life has changed considerably. However, I had to sacrifice my peace of mind for the sake of my security and satisfaction of the people around me. Of course feeling secure can grant you a bit of peace of mind but that is not enough.

I think I am kind of hesitant to use the word 'freedom.' Yep, that is what I am talking about. That is what I want. Obviously I've been refraining from using this word out of fear and precaution lol. Most of the time people here wouldn't think nice of a burqa wearing Arab girl who is calling for freedom.

The little freedom I enjoy here enables me to go the cinema once a week. However, going to the cinema once a week made some people worry that I might be possessed (I mean demon-possessed btw lol). Something that is more than going to the cinema at that rate, would be considered wrong and extremely inappropriate. Actually me going to the cinema is not fully accepted but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT! The Cinema is like my haven in this place.

I am mentally torturing myself by forcing myself to abide by some social/cultural norms. You can't really understand this until you get to go through it. It feels like mental torture to find yourself forced to agree with the others around you all the time just in order to feel safe. It feels like mental torture when you keep forcing yourself to do things you don't believe in for years and years. It feels like you are stuck in a play without an end; it feels like you are not living a real life.

Well my life taught me patience, and I am surprised to know how patient I can be lol.

I am about to deteriorate though;;; 

Enough for today. 

Thursday, 3 November 2016

A person I can open up to.

Such a person does not exist in my life, which is one of the reasons I'm having a really hard time here.

My life is so strange; so unpredictable. I can't believe that I still can't find at least one person I can be friends with. I thought publishing my first novel would encourage my future friends to show up from their hideouts, and contact me but this didn't happen; maybe "those friends" do not exist in my hometown. Simple as that. Maybe I'm just destined to stay all alone in this place. 

I guess I am the one responsible for feeling alienated here, but I just can't help it. There are a lot of people around me but I find it difficult to befriend someone who is very different from me. All of them are way too different from me. I need friends who think like me, who hate the same things I hate and love the same things I love. 

Well it's obvious that I am talking about the differences and similarities in the way we think; in our perspectives to life. 

My life is tough  and I can't tell you what I'm going through explicitly. 

I wish I could say more, but I'm scared.