Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Time is passing by too slowly...

I can't remember the last time I felt this way. I rarely perceive time in slow motion lol. I'm not really sure why I'm feeling this way. I mean, I wonder if it's something positive or negative, because I'm having mixed feelings about my life and future, and I can't tell what kind of feelings dominates. Positive or negative.

Time really feels slow these days. I wonder if I can do more with it, since it's taking its time ^^; or if now I get older just as slowly as it goes.

Anyway, merry Christmas everyone, and good night. ☆

Taken last Christmas in Rotana resort in Salalah 

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

The point of publishing my first novel

that was written when I was 19-20 years old:

That was really my first intention when I decided to publish my novel. HOWEVER, no body has ever contacted me to tell me "OMG Mona we think in the same way. Let's be friends!" Failed endeavour. lol

If you turn out to have the same way of thinking as me, I'm sure you can be a true friend of mine, because I can be a true friend of yours. I'm positive about that :)

Monday, 12 December 2016

Where to find copies of my first novel?

copies of my novel for my last signing event

الكثير ممن التقيت بهم يسألوني من أين يمكن أن يحصلوا على نسخ من روايتي وردة السلطان. للأسف دائما ما أقول لهم بأنها متوفرة فقط في بعض المكتبات في مسقط مثل مكتبة مسقط ومكتبة ورفوف وكذلك مكتبة عبري. أما بالنسبة لظفار فأقول لهم لا أعلم إن كانت متوفرة في مكان  وما في ظفار. يجدون غرابة في ذلك بما أني مؤلفة الرواية ولدت ونشأت في ظفار ومع ذلك فالرواية ليست متوفرة هنا. أقول لهم بأني سأسعى لإحضار الرواية إلى المكتبات في ظفار. ^^ للأسف أنا لم أسع إلى ترويج الرواية بشكل جيد وكثيرا ما أنسى أمرها ههه. سأخبركم حال توفر الرواية في ظفار

Many people who knew me in person asked me where they can get copies of my novel. You can find my novel in a number of local bookstores in Muscat (like Muscat Bookstore and Rufoof Bookstore) I think it's also available in Ibri Library.

Most of the people who ask me where to find my novel are actually from Dhofar, the governorate I belong to. Unfortunately I alwasy have to say in response: I do... not.. know. Then they would say how come a novel authored by a Dhofari woman is not available in Dhofar?

Honestly I didn't really work on promoting my novel, but I promise to try to bring it to the bookstores in Dhofar. I will let you know of any store in Dhofar where you can get a copy of my novel.

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

It is hard to find a true friend here!

It really is if this is how you define it:
It simply means that a true friend will let you be yourself and never ever judge you. This is the kind of friend I'm looking for, and I'm 99% sure that I will never find it around here. 

I know someone who will come to me if they want to talk to someone. Of course I listen to them and never judge them. I have no doubts that I'm very open minded (at least compared to the typical kind of people in my hometown). However, when I need to talk to somebody and I decide to talk to them, they start judging me, making me feel uncomfortable about myself. 

This is really annoying. I mean it really hurts. Sometimes I wonder for how long I can keep myself together. Please don't think that I'm bragging or something, but I do think that my way of thinking is very different from most people here. Many many people have asked me if I was raised and educated in Muscat, since they get the vibe that I don't act and talk like a typical Dhofari young woman lol. Some others actually thought I got my schooling in Europe lolol. I was raised and educated in Dhofar. I did only my BA in Muscat. 

It's funny how I confuse people with my personality lol. I remember some people at University ask me if I'm a foreigner (Saudi, Egyptian, Jordanian, etc). It's all because of my personality and how I behave.

Since people would say those things to me, you can guess how lonely I feel sometimes. Lol. The feeling that you don't fit in a place or time, is one of the worst feelings ever. 

I may sound pessimistic to say that I'm sure that I won't find a true friend here, but I can't help but think it's true lol. I don't really want to explain why I think there's about zero possibility to find that unjudgemental true friend. 

Today I found myself fantasising about having a true friend lol.  I'm on the edge of mental breakdown and I'm looking for things to help me out. I wish i could find a friend.  Only one person I can open up to will be enough. 

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

*The Monated World*

I don't know if you can guess what I mean by 'Monated'. This is a past form of a verb derived from the word 'Mona' which means... guess what!

Me! lol.

Example: Haters gonna hate, and I say Mona's gonna monate.

Please don't say that I'm self-centred or something like that. It's my Monated blog.

Just a few minutes ago I had a small discussion with my sister about my taste in clothes and the things I wear. Of course my sister think my taste is a bit weird. I won't call it weird though. It's really normal but I am more daring to dress what I like and be myself. Of course that is only possible at home. Outside the house I'm supposed to wear the black Abaya and Sheila  (hijab) and niqab (black face covering piece).

At my workplace, some co-workers used to call my office a Wonderland. It wasn't really a compliment but I felt happy to know that I managed to make my depressing work environment a bit different. Many employees liked my office actually.

Anyways... I am the youngest among those I frequently work with. The youngest one of them is about 8 years older than me. So I understand why they would call my office a Wonderland lol. I just don't have a choice lol.

I should be sleeping now. Good night.

Salalah beach

Taken by me yesterday. 

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Understanding myself (am I really workaholic?)

(Good morning. I'm not going to work today. My stomach hurts >.< I wrote this post a few days ago.)

Whenever I start thinking about what I really want, why I feel the way I do, and why I do the way I do, I actually start feeling a bit immature lol. It's like it's a shame that I'm more than a quarter of century old yet I don't know everything about myself. But I guess it's fine to be like that, right?

I know 70% of myself lol. 20% is the part of me which is true but I don't believe it or I don't have confidence to believe it, and the 10% is the part of me which I don't really understand.

I am trying to understand myself because I am having difficulty fitting in my own society. It's not only about being socially awkward, which I am. There is something deeper than that. I think I mentioned that in an old post; I keep asking myself if the problem is in me or in the others. Sometimes I end up believing it's the others, and sometimes me. Now I think I can say that the things that helped this situation happen cannot be entirely my fault, or their fault. But I would put the biggest part of the blame on the others lol. *sorry*

It's kind of annoying but I think getting involved in social situations helps me understand myself better. For example, before getting the job, I always thought I am a bit selfish. I thought I was a failure as a social being, with many psychological complexes. However, when I started working and getting to communicate with many different personalities, a lot of things became clear about myself. Enough with being humble lol, honestly I came to realize that most, if not all, people have some kind of psychological complexes. I think their complexes are even worse than mine -.-. I mean, even if I think I have problems with myself, I wouldn't ever try to hurt others to feel better about myself. I am very careful not to hurt anyone, but some of the personalities I met are not like that at all. They are really evil -.- Honestly I do believe I am a good person, and better and less selfish than 99.9% of the people I met in my life lol. Of course, since I got to know people better, I became more confident in who I am. I feel grateful for being able to view many things the way I do right now. Actually a few days ago a person told me that she will never find someone kinder and nicer than me lol. I appreciate her saying that, but I know it's very hard to find someone who is understanding and open-minded in my hometown like me lol.

Anyway, let me talk more about me me me ^-^;; One of the things that I have been called a lot in the past 2 years is workaholic (btw; I actually typed it as alcoholic by mistake lol). I think I've really been working hard in the past 2-3 years but I'm not sure why I've been this way. I don't think it's only about the amount of work assigned to me. I mean, I choose to come early to work, and leave late? It's usually very hectic at my workplace. A few doctors (medical doctors) used to come to my office and go like "wow I can't believe you are busier than us." But it's true T-T Two months would pass by without a single chance to take a break. It's been really hectic for me. I already hated my life so many times. I got back from a long holiday and things aren't as hectic as before, but I feel days are gradually getting more hectic. 

City Cinema - Salalah
I'm a cinema hermit 
I.. remember.. that when I got the job (my first job) I was planning to work for 2 years and then leave to do my higher studies (in Japan particularly). But things didn't go the way I planned T-T (now I almost don't care where I should pursue my higher studies as long as it's far from home and colder than Oman lol). So, I was giving my work everything I have, because I thought I would leave soon. 

I do need to leave. I've already died here and I want to be resurrected in a whole new world ^-^ 

I think another reason why I have been working really hard (or trying to?) is my depressing past lol. I was really diligent ever since 1st grade. I had a dream I worked for but I got very depressed when I was 14. In my final year at high school depression almost knocked me dead. I couldn't study at all. It was like a miracle to me when I became the top student in my class lol. But anyway, I still feel bad that I didn't work hard in my last year at school. I think this is one of the reasons why I'very been trying to keep work too hard.

Honestly I don't think I'm really workaholic. I would prefer to go to the Cinema and watch 3 movies in a row or read a novel and work on my novel ^.^ 

Thursday, 1 December 2016